22 August 2013

knitting lessons

" In goes the bunny - around the bush 
 out pops the bunny - and off he goes" 
my ravelry project notes : pattern Honey Cowl by Madelinetosh

dear knitting,
I know that I claim a love for you but I don't really show it. I spend time looking over patterns, buying beautiful yarn but never allowing myself to use it. Afraid to make a choice and put the time and energy it takes to transform the fibers into the organic shape of life. So skeins nest in a drawer waiting for the attention of my head, hands and heart. 

But when I do, the lessons flow like water. They dance in my mind as I find my rhythm with needles and yarn. Knitting begins like new adventures. First, the challenge of casting on. Counting what seems like endless stitches and struggling to keep my focus as my children's voices mingle with the accumulating numbers. The tension builds in my shoulders, arms and neck with my increased determination. This is supposed to be exciting and relaxing but it takes time for me to relax. The third row at least. 
Then there is the gap in my circular knitting on those first rows. I do my best to pull it together but the gap remains. Slowly it comes together after going around a few more times. 

This knitting, I do love it. It teaches me about myself, how hard it is for me to make choices. How even when I have something of value to make or share I am afraid of messing up and ultimately ruining something that could have been great. I see visually how my body takes time to relax into the new, beautiful adventure like those first couple rows of stitches. That gap illustrates that life doesn't neatly tuck into all my plans. It may take time for it all to work out...but it does. I'm learning, as I have to cut the yarn and weave in a new strand, that there are days where I need to just stop and start again.